Gravedigger
by Nanomemes
Summary: Team Japan and Team Yagami hang out before the Tournament. [COMPLETED]
1. Dig Your Grave

_This is awful... I feel awful._

 _this is the crackiest thing i've done._

 _Somebody felt bad for Iori in Motorcycles, and wanted me to mess Kyo up a bit. poorboi :(. It was all chizuru's fault anyways._

 _Here's another fever dream. u doods seem to enjoy them. ( no more until i finish my Skelly chapter lol. i've been procrast)_

* * *

 _Kyo- Japanese Only_

 _Iori - Japanese, English, spanish curse words_

 _Terry - English Only_

 _Vice + Mature - English, Japanese, German (Vice = + Portuguese)_

 _Benimaru - Japanese, English (he's half american)_

Why does nobody recognize the language barrier? Krizaild is kinda Irish... like why does _he_ know japanese?

* * *

 **July 24th KOF-Pregame events. Madison Square Garden, NYC, NY, USA.**

"Hehe, holy shit, you're so freaking wasted in this one."

"Shut up, give it back fag!"

Kyo rolled off the couch, nearly kicking over the coffee table. The teacups and candies the news corporation had placed there rattled dangerously. A couple of feet away, Iori's hand buried itself wrist deep in one of the couch cushions. He yanked the pillow off his arm, lit it on fire, and tossed it at his laughing rival.

"Give it, bitch!"

"If you're gonna play with fire, I _will_ toast your phone. Hey! Stay back! ... Oh god damn, I need to send this to myself… "

Whoever was the event organizer this year clearly didn't know what they were doing. Last time he and Iori were locked in a room together they had nearly burnt down the building. They only stopped fighting when the fire department came in and waterboarded them with power-hoses. The two of them were on better terms nowadays... but really, the corporation shouldn't have risked it.

" _Come mierda y muere,_ Asshole! Give it here!"

" … oh damn dude, you look _good_ in lipstick. I'll ask Yuki to give you some tips though, I don't think it's supposed to be in your teeth."

"KUSANAGI!"

Maybe the event hosts thought mild-mannered Terry Bogard would keep the two of them from fighting, but the older man was laid out on the other couch, sleeping through the chaos. He had caught the red-eye flight up from SouthTown and was in no mood for babysitting pyromaniacs. He didn't even speak Japanese, what was he supposed to do? It wasn't like Iori would translate for him.

The hosts had set them up for pre-gameday interviews in a temporary structure outside Manhattan's Madison Square Garden. The perimetre of the building was fenced off, and just outside that fence stood hundreds of fans and reporters who had come to greet their favorite fighters. Almost all of the tournament regulars were in attendance, but the news corporation who had purchased rights to the KOF tourney this year wanted to interview the team captains in groups. By some stroke of misfortune, Kyo and Iori were booked for the same time. Both of them were decidedly unhappy about it. They imagined Terry was even more upset.

Iori stood there beside the ruined couch glaring daggers at Kyo. The pillow he had thrown was rapidly reduced to ash and began igniting the carpet. Smoke filled the room partways before Terry woke up in a coughing fit. He yelled at Iori until the redhead extinguished the fire and sat down with a huff.

The other two members of 'Yagami Team' and Benimaru were socializing in the next room. Vice and Mature had come back to life again - as they did whenever the KOF Tournaments took place. Iori didn't seem bothered at all by the fact his teammates seemed to revive annually, like human perrenials. They didn't seem to mind their team captain had been their murderer. In fact, the three of them got along quite well in their own strange sort of way.

The same couldn't be said about the Japan team this year. Benimaru was being more fruity than usual and it was pissing Kyo off. He didn't know what the modelling business had done to his best friend, and he really wasn't appreciating it. Daimon had taken the wrong subway line from the hotel, and was currently wandering the streets of Brooklyn. Usually Daimon kept Benimaru's ... uh, 'advances' in check, but the man was currently on the other side of the east river, probably being accosted by pretzel salesmen.

As a result, Kyo had to endure nearly three hours of uncomfortably lewd small talk with his teammate, and he needed to let off some steam. Who better to do it to than Yagami? That's what rivals were for right? Ten percent of the time was spent earnestly trying to spill each others blood. The rest of the relationship was just playing stupid pranks, and just generally being insufferable.

Kyo was being insufferable.

"Ey, Yagami! You don't mind if I send these around right? I mean _look_ at this shit!."

Iori stopped trying to scowl harder and fell into a serious silence. He calmly placed a flaming teacup back on its saucer, where it melted into a goopy mess.

"... you wanna try to ruin my reputation Kusanagi? Give it a shot. Nobody can ruin a reputation like I can."

Kyo wasn't really listening.

"Look, I just think your fans will appre- ... dude I swear you become a selfie whore when you're drunk. This is great."

"I can really jack you up Kusanagi. Do you wanna try? If we're lucky, I'll even get you disqualified."

"Is that a threat? That's not a good idea y'know. I literally have your nudes hostage."

"Its okay, they already belong to the public domain."

"Oh man-... wait what?"

Iori fixed his rival with a severe stare and punctuated each word.

"I said give me my phone, You. Massive. Cocksucker."

"Tough luck bitchass."

"Then you did this to yourself."

"What are you talki-"

Iori took a deep breath, tossed his head back, and hollered _something_ loudly. Kyo was immediately reminded that Iori was a singer, and really knew how to make his voice travel.

For a moment, everything seemed to go quiet. The room next-door fell mute. Even the clamouring crowd outside went silent. Kyo suddenly became very nervous and looked to his rival. Iori seemed quite satisfied and was _almost_ smiling to himself.

That wasn't good.

"Yagami what the hell did you-"

A couple of things happened at once.

Terry Bogard, who was looking pretty upset up until now, began howling in laughter.

Benimaru burst into the room screaming (sobbing?), "Kyo you asshole! How could you do this to me! Why _him_ of all people, I've been waiting for so long! Why _HIM_?!"

The crowd outside began roaring.

And Iori, taking advantage of the distraction, plucked his phone from Kyo's hands and scrambled up the wall like some horrible human spider. He punched through the roof panel and disappeared outside.

* * *

 _Iori = Fire Spiderman_

 _red-eye flight = Overnight Flight._

 _Yag is one of those celebrities who give absolutley no shits._

 _Just for a second imagine how weird Iori's english accent is?_

 _The line of spanish up there is supposed to mean "eat shit and die" but tbh, you probably guessed it meant somthing like that._

 _This KOF is located in NYC, America. The main language is english._

 _I need to work on skeletons... :/_


	2. Murder-Suicide

_Crossdressing Yag is the best Yag._

 _Miss X is my favorite character._

 _Can we cringe a little harder, please? Try your best._

* * *

Vice, if you stuff yourself you'll get fat my dear! Anyways, I've found snail slime really works! I mean look at me. I been dead for nearly ten months and I still look this good. I _know_ it's that snail essence."

"I'll have to try that! But i've been using seaweed gel for the past three weeks and I could really see improvements. The agency pays for all of this stuff, so I could get you a bottle if you'd like."

The blonde woman laughed appreciatively, "Ohh no, I couldn't. Just charge it to Yagami, that kid is rolling in enough cash that he doesn't even notice when we raid the department stores."

"In that case, let me write down the brand for you... ok, here-"

A shout emitted from the next room, the three of them looked toward the door. Benimaru frowned at Mature as he handed her the note. "You don't think they'll start fighting in there do you?"

"Oh dear," she pocketed the sheet of paper, "If they do, you'd better run in there and help your captain, because our little boy will tear him limb from limb." The two women laughed. "And, if you like, we can join in too. We can have our tournament match ri-"

She was interrupted by Iori yelling from the next room.

"KUSANAGI YOU PRICK! YOU LEFT WELTS ON MY ASS AGAIN. I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING PINCH!"

Silence reigned for a moment.

Then Benimaru charged at the door screaming.

Mature sipped her champange. "... oh dear. Vice, would you pass me one of those lemon bites? I haven't had pastries since last year."

* * *

 _Vice and Mature likel to take Yagami's credit card shopping. He has a storage unit full of Gucci products cuz of them._

 _Personally, I use makuna honey and aloe vera. i might consider seaweed actually, it's not really far fetched._

Kyo+Ioir are best frenemies


	3. Iz justa prank Bro

_Tigerking. Literally I thought two days about what to write in this chapter. I knew I needed to clarify what happened in teh last chapter, and was trying to think of something funny to happen to Daimon._

 _I literally went online and searched for 'weird things that happened to you in NYC' for this. No luck. Daimon is a reservoir of common sense and patience. There's nothing I can do to him. I just had him get accosted by a pretzel salesman._

* * *

' _Hey! Big guy! You're the wrestler dude right? Want a pretzel?_ '

Goro Daimon just smiled at the small Italian salesperson and tried to communicate ' _no thank you_ ' via charades.

The hulking mountain of a man stood solemnly at the street corner, deciding what direction he should go.

He had set off that morning from the hotel, texting his teammates that he was going out for a jog. Half an hour of running left him feeling a bit tired, so he decided to take the subway directly to the Madison Square Garden for a day of interviews and champagne.

Nowadays, Interviews were always done a day or two before the events. The first year the KOF tournament debuted, they had held the interviews a the day after the fights. As a result, the film crew spent most of their time in the various hospitals around the city. It just wasn't a very good situation.

Not that today's situation was going to be any better. The news company had booked the Japan and Yagami teams at the same time, so there was no telling what was going to happen. Vice seemed to have an irrational hatred for him - but nothing she seemed to do was rational anyways. Mature had since become great friends with Benimaru. They had bonded over beauty tips. She always told him, "You're so adorable I just want to _rip you in half_ ". Nobody was entirely sure if she was joking.

Finally, there were _those_ two. Kyo Kusanagi, and Iori Yagami. Destined rivals and bitter enemies. A pair of loose cannons. One was an overgrown High school delinquent who would torch anybody who dared look at him strangely. The other was clinically insane. Both were terrifyingly powerful and were bordering on being labeled dangerous arsonists.

And they absolutely hated each other - yet they had saved eachother's lives countless times. Daimon suspected they were good friends, but neither had realized it yet. After the SouthTown Incident, their relationship had become slightly friendlier, but as a result, had become significantly more violent.

Yesterday, Daimon had caught them catfighting in the Lincoln Center fountain. They were standing waist deep in the large body of water, screaming obscenities. Kyo had set himself alight, and was producing a great column of steam. Meanwhile, Iori had put him in a chokehold and was trying to gnaw his ear off. By the time Daimon waded through the water, _and the crowd_ , to meet them, they had already decided to go eat pizza.

' _It's on the house wrestler guy! My son's a big fan of yours!_ '

Daimon continued to smile and shake his head in ' _No thanks_ '.

He was usually quite good with directions. It was the subway that got him.

He was _sure_ he had gotten on the right train... but when he climbed up from the subway station to pavement level, he found himself outside an amusement park, beside the ocean. There he stood. Looking at the ferris wheel, and regretting all of his actions thus far.

Daimon knew exactly no English. He wished Jokyojo had come along with him. She was an English professor before she became the university director. She had wanted to tour New York for a while now anyways, but she couldn't take leave from the University. Besides, Kogoro had just begun preschool and it wasn't good to disrupt their son's studies with American vacations.

' _I insist! Take it as a gift Fratu_ '

Daimon walked away hastily from the dismayed pretzel salesman. He felt a little bad, but was a bit too nervous to eat. He had no idea where he was, and had two hours to get to Madison Square Garden... wait.

Daimon flipped open his phone and dialed Benimaru. If he knew how to say the location in English, somebody was bound to give him directions. He just hoped his teammate wasn't too involved in discussing skin creams with Mature. They could really go on forever.

* _Click_ *

"Hey, Benimaru! How do I say-"

"I'M QUITTING THE FUCKING TEAM GORO-CHAN! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE"

"Uh, wai-"

"THIS YAGAMI FUCKER CAN GO SUCK A DICK. AND KUSANAGI CAN JUST- _Sure! Sure it's a joke! Everything's a joke to you isn't it Kyo? Am I a joke to you? Do you even care at all? Leave me alone! go hang out with your boyfriend! SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE. I DO-_ "

*Beep*

Daimon just stared at his phone. He decided to go back and buy a pretzel

* * *

 **July 25th Tournament Preliminaries, NYC, NY, USA.**

"ANNOUNCEMENT: DEAR VIEWERS"

"WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU, TEAM: japan WILL NO LONGER BE PARTICIPATING IN THE TOURNAMENT DUE TO failure to register with full team."

"WE HOPE THIS SETBACK WILL NOT EFFECT YOUR VIEWING EXPERIENCE. PLEASE ENJOY THE KING OF FIGHTERS TOURNAMENT."

* * *

 _Benimaru has got to be gay. I mean, Just look at him! He dresses like a drag queen)_

 _Daimon went to Coney Island, Brooklyn. Lovely place. I got lost there once when I was a kid. Scared my parents so bad lol. good times. We went in the autumn. It was so freaking cold lol. atlantic wind in no joke._

 _Joyukojo is Daimon's wife. I wikied it._

 _Lol you made it to the end. I hope you still have 2 braincells to rub together after that. Man. I can really write some autistic stuff lol._

 _Leave a review telling me how much you hate me._


End file.
